Embracing Our Anxious Minds
“Anxiety is the illness of our age. We worry about ourselves, our family, our friends, our work, and our state of the world. If we allow worry to fill our hearts, sooner or later we will get sick.”
-Thick Nhat Hahn
Life can be a thrilling adventure for those of us who are perpetual worriers! We have the capacity to turn the most mundane tasks into heart-racing, nail-biting experiences. From going to a party to choosing what to eat for breakfast, every decision becomes an Olympic event for an anxious mind. Will the toast burn? Will the coffee be too strong? Did I say too much? Did I say too little? The possibilities are endless! It's like having a one-way ticket to an amusement park filled with anxiety-inducing rides, where the rollercoaster of overthinking never stops. Life is a grand theater, and we’re the leading actors in a thriller that never finds a conclusion.
This is what it is like living with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD): a condition that affects millions of individuals worldwide. When it comes to anxiety there are endless approaches we could take to this immense topic. In fact, trying to include in all the social, cultural, environmental, and political reasons people are anxious or what anxiety is and how it manifests could make someone feel anxious immediately! So today, I’ll be looking at GAD specifically through the writings of Dr. Dan Siegel and the lens of Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) in order to explore anxiety as a natural response of our beautifully complex minds.
Understanding Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder can be likened to a “tempest within,” where worries, fears, and uncertainties churn relentlessly, a constant companion that overshadows everyday life. GAD makes it hard to rest, hard for our bodies to heal and digest, and hard to maintain relationships. But here's the important thing to remember: anxiety is not a weakness or a character flaw; it is an inherent part of being human.
Interpersonal Neurobiology: A Lens of Compassion
Dr. Dan Siegel, renowned psychiatrist and pioneer in the field of Interpersonal Neurobiology, teaches us to view anxiety through a lens of compassion. IPNB examines the intricate connections between our minds, brains, and relationships, shedding light on how we can better understand and support those experiences of high anxiety. This can be harder than it sounds. Every day I work with people who resent their anxiety, and are mad at their nervous systems' relentless signaling. I can assure you it’s normal for most of us to want to run away from anxiety, or “get rid” of it. Unfortunately, that is like turning away from a baby who is crying. We may not know why they’re crying, but there is definitely a reason - and the first thing we can offer is our loving attention and presence. Like with the baby, sometimes we come to understand the cause of the anxiety and sometimes we don’t. Either way, we can hold our anxiety and nurture it with affection and kindness, and let it know it is not alone.
The Anxious Mind: Nature's Alarm System
Anxiety, in its essence, is our mind's alarm system. One mentor in graduate school told me it is the “red flag waving to get our attention.” Anxiety evolved to protect us from potential threats, both real and imagined. When we experience anxiety, our brain activates a cascade of responses designed to keep us safe, priming us for action. It is an ancient survival mechanism that can sometimes become overactive or misdirected, leading to GAD. Anxiety activates all of our body’s systems: nervous, endocrine, gastrointestinal, respiratory, cardiovascular, musculoskeletal. Each system is ready to help you run, fight, hide, freeze…survive. We start to over function (read: micromanage) or under function (hide under the covers).
Compassionate Self-Inquiry
To soothe our constant anxiety, we must first develop a compassionate relationship with our anxious minds. Rather than pushing away or suppressing anxiety, Dr. Siegel encourages us to lean into it, acknowledging its presence with kindness and curiosity. By embracing our anxiety, we create a safe space within ourselves, allowing for self-inquiry and understanding. For me, I often open my palms and simply say “welcome anxiety.” To turn towards our anxiety directly can feel awkward, and even wrong, but it gives us the pause we need to start to understand what our anxiety is trying to say.
Cultivating Awareness and Regulation
Mindfulness practices play a pivotal role in developing awareness and regulation. Mindfulness allows us to observe our anxious thoughts and bodily sensations without judgment, fostering a sense of inner calm and resilience. Paying attention to anxiety actually very often has a calming effect. The signal can quiet because it has been recognized as trying to get our attention. Being mindful of our heart rate, our breathing, etc, in itself is an act of self-soothing. As we learn to regulate in the moment, we gradually transform our relationship with anxiety, empowering ourselves to respond rather than react.
The Power of Connection
As social beings, our relationships hold incredible transformative potential. Genuine connections, built on empathy and understanding, can provide profound healing in the face of anxiety. Simply sharing out loud with a safe person about your anxiety can be soothing.
Dr. Siegel reminds us that compassion and attuned communication within our relationships nurture a sense of safety, acceptance, and belonging, acting as powerful antidotes to anxiety's grip. I have found that many people are afraid to share that they are anxious for fear of being judged or rejected, but typically - when shared with a safe person - anxiety is not only held with understanding but leaves you feeling in closer connection with that person - and more calm.
Activating Agency
Many times our anxiety is unconscious - we are tense, overwhelmed, flustered - but we are not truly thinking “I am anxious right now, and my anxiety needs attention.” We’re just in a reactive state. Choosing to turn towards our anxiety and give it attention is an act of intention, and our nervous systems love when we feel in control and exert agency. In choosing to give your anxiety attention your body starts releasing GABA, which happily lowers cortisol (the stress hormone). And by offering compassionate awareness your body will also release oxytocin, which can also bring feelings of warmth and soothing. So, you may find that simply noticing and saying out loud “I am anxious right now, and I am choosing to pay careful, close, loving attention to exactly what I am experiencing” will help you feel more calm.
In light of Dr. Dan Siegel's wisdom and the lens of Interpersonal Neurobiology, we can realize that anxiety, far from being a burden, can be a transformative catalyst for self-discovery and growth. By cultivating self-compassion, awareness, regulation, and nurturing meaningful connections, we embark on a profound journey towards a life of resilience, joy, and well-being.
I hope you can find solace in the knowledge that your anxious mind is not your enemy but a part of the intricate tapestry of your humanity. Embrace it, understand it, and forge ahead with courage, for you are more powerful than you know.
“It's like a mother, when the baby is crying, she picks up the baby and she holds the baby tenderly in her arms. Your pain, your anxiety is your baby. You have to take care of it. You have to go back to yourself, to recognize the suffering in you, embrace the suffering, and you get a relief.”
-Thick Nhat Hahn
Rachel Lund started Self Space out of the deep belief in the power of therapy to change people’s lives from the inside out. Her hope is to help people find more safety, care and love in their lives. Rachel is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Clinical Supervisor in Washington state, and focuses on treating clients through a neuropsychotherapy approach to therapy that connects mind+body.