Psychotherapy and the Meaning of Shoes
Meaning is not an object like a pair of shoes. You can’t point to it and say, there it is, that is meaning. But, like a pair of shoes, each person puts on and takes off the meanings that fit them best.
I have several pairs of slip-on shoes because the ease of sliding in and out of them is meaningful to me. Another person might find bright colors to be meaningful to them in a shoe, or quality craftsmanship, or being waterproof.
Meaning, quite naturally, intersects with values, with purpose, with orientation in the world. If a thing isn’t meaningful to me, then I don’t see much value in it, I don’t find any purpose in engaging with it, and it doesn’t contribute to my orientation. It blends in with so many other things, and I find myself indifferent.
When a person enters into psychotherapy, they are engaged with a meaningful problem. This problem matters, it persists, it is causing some disruption in the meaning-making process. The implications can be grim. “Does this mean that I’m a bad person? Were all my efforts a total waste? Am I completely incompetent?”
For whatever reason, the meaning-making mechanism has tilted into the dark side of human nature. The once-perfect shoes have been scuffed and soiled. They don’t look good anymore, they stink, they aren’t comfortable. It’s time to take them off and have a look, decide whether it’s worth it to be repaired and polished, or if it’s time to buy a new pair, a pair that fits now, that feels beautiful and has renewed purpose, a pair of shoes that are ready to be put to fresh use.
When you walk around in uncomfortable shoes, every step is painful. That doesn’t mean that you can never walk again. When the meaning-making mechanism is stained with despair, everything looks bleak. That doesn’t mean that the sun will never rise again, that beauty and purpose can never return.
A psychotherapist can help you look at the way you make meaning the way a cobbler looks at a pair of shoes. You don’t wear one pair of shoes for your entire lifetime. You change. You grow. And when the shoe fits, you forget it, you don’t notice it much. You take it step-by-step, finding meaning as naturally as walking down the street.
Marcus Berley is a Self Space Seattle therapist who works with high-achieving people who want to access the deeper areas of their lived experience, including individuals who struggle to fully enjoy their success and couples who struggle to address conflict and cultivate a more intimate connection.