Embracing Those “Wrong” Feelings

We are at a time of unknowns. When will the world reopen? What will it look like and how will I navigate it? What are the effects of COVID for me and the people I love? What is going to happen to the economy? Unknowns and uncertainty are difficult states for the human brain to be in. Humans have evolved to equate the opposite: predictability and certainty with keeping safe from harm.

Some people are feeling more unsettled than others, but everyone’s lives are being upended in significant ways. Some are focusing on the joyous moments, feeling at ease with the simplicity that staying home may be providing. Some are noticing increased anxiety, feelings of isolation, loss, anger, or disappointment. Many are feeling all of these, often on the same day. And not one of these emotions is “wrong” or “bad.” Culturally, we have incorrectly labeled our emotions - some are good and right, while others are bad and wrong. The reality is: all emotions are important and valid. Having a variety of emotions is part of the full human experience. 

In the Language of Emotions, by Karla McLaren, Karla writes that although emotions are rarely honored, they all have a purpose. They all tell us something. Whether that is disappointment informing us that an expectation has not been met, or anger indicating that a boundary has been broken, or contentment telling us that we have had an inner achievement.

“The feeling of anxiety is just that: a natural emotional response to concerning or fearful experiences. ”

It’s an emotion that many people are feeling right now with all of the uncertainty. And that is ok. Feeling anxious indicates a need to prepare for potential danger, and therefore a need to increase our awareness so that we can stay safe. During a pandemic, extra awareness is acutely appropriate. When anxiety becomes overwhelming and troublesome is when it gets stuck; either when we avoid giving it the attention it deserves, or we give it too much attention by letting it take over our thoughts and behaviors and allow it to become all consuming. Instead, we can seek to recognize it, notice how it feels in our bodies, name it, and observe it without judgement and with curiosity. This allows the emotion to serve us, appropriately protect and inform us, and then let us move forward.

If we are able to feel, name, and listen to the emotions we are experiencing, we are able to better understand what is coming up for us. Doing this effectively gives the emotion less power over us and empowers us to gain a clearer view of our internal self. 

There is not one “right” or “wrong” emotion to be feeling. Regardless of what you are feeling, it is ok. Let’s embrace our capacity to feel a wide range of emotions. Let’s give ourselves the permission to feel those fully, and honor what they do for us.