Courage
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story within you.”
Maya Angelou
It takes immense courage to bring that story out into the world, to share with another human being what we may be thinking, feeling, experiencing. There are reasons we stay silent about our pain, our anger, our grief. We have learned, sometimes through explicit instruction such as, “We do not talk about that,” and often through implicit example, that we are not to speak of our difficult feelings or experiences because it makes others feel uncomfortable.
More acceptable ways of managing our difficult feelings include smothering them in false positivity, burying ourselves in school or work, exercising obsessively. We even receive accolades for maintaining a cheery outlook, for being so dedicated to our job, for being disciplined. If we have chosen a less acceptable way of managing our emotions, such as drinking or binge eating, we carry the compounded shame of both our difficult feelings and our frowned- upon means of coping. Shame prefers we keep silent. Shame grows best when it is kept in the dark. Refusing to give in to shame’s demands requires courage. Walking through the door to meet with a counselor requires courage. Admitting we need help, acknowledging our go- to ways of managing difficult feelings are no longer working, is an act of courage in a society where we are routinely encouraged to do it ourselves, figure it out, pull ourselves up by our boot straps.
Researcher and Brené Brown wrote in her book I Thought it Was Just Me, “Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor - the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant "To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart. Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in my opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences - good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what I think of as ‘ordinary courage’.” As a counselor, I witness ordinary courage every day as I sit with clients who are bravely facing their pain and fear, asking questions of themselves which do not have easy answers. This courage is rewarded by a greater sense of knowing oneself, of freedom from shame, and the experience of healing relationship with another.
