Boundaries!

Yes, you heard that right. Those magical lines we draw that can make our connections even more fulfilling.

Picture this: you're at a fabulous party with an incredible dance floor. The music is pumping, and the energy is electric. You step onto the dance floor, ready to bust out your signature moves. But everyone around you starts invading your personal space, stepping on your toes, and twirling you around without your consent! Chaos, right?  The fun is over.

Just like on a dance floor, boundaries in relationships are your invisible partner.  They guide the rhythm and style of your connection, ensuring that both you and your loved ones can dance joyfully together. 

Let's explore why boundaries are good for your relationships:

Hello, Healthy Communication:

Boundaries lay the groundwork for open and honest communication. By expressing your needs, desires, and limits, you allow your partner to understand you better. Think of it as an emotional roadmap for your relationship. Sharing your boundaries enables you to build trust and foster a deeper connection.

Bye-bye, Resentment:

Ever felt that simmering anger when your partner unintentionally crossed a line - one you never actually set? Setting boundaries prevents such resentment from bubbling up. Instead of expecting your loved ones to be mind readers, you communicate what you're comfortable with and what you're not. Trust me; it's a sanity-saver!

Empowering Individuality:

Boundaries provide the space for each person to be their unique and authentic selves. Healthy relationships encourage personal growth and self-expression. When you establish boundaries, you affirm your individuality, and in turn, you give your partner permission to do the same. It's a beautiful win-win!  It’s also vulnerable, so be gentle with yourself as you share what you need and want.

Building Bridges, Not Walls:

Contrary to popular belief, boundaries don't create distance; they enhance connection. By expressing your boundaries, you invite your partner to step into your world, understand your needs, and support you. Boundaries become a catalyst for empathy, strengthening the foundation of your relationship.

Remember, setting boundaries is not about creating a fortress or shutting people out. It's about building healthy fences that define your relationship's parameters, nurturing growth, respect, and love. Here are a few practical tips to get you started:

Self-Reflection: Take some time to explore your needs, values, and limits. What makes you feel comfortable, loved, and respected? Understanding yourself is the first step towards setting meaningful boundaries.  

Look curiously at your resentments:  I have learned to really love that feeling of resentment, because it’s my immediate sign that I did not set a boundary when it would have been helpful, and more honest.  Take a look at who or what you feel resentful towards, and then ask “what is the limit I am needing to express?”

Communicate with Kindness: Approach boundary conversations with love, care, and empathy. Share your needs in a non-confrontational manner, and encourage your partner to do the same. Remember, you're a team!  Most people are not intentionally crossing other people's boundaries, they just don’t know they are there. Clarity is key.

Flexibility and Compromise: Boundaries are not set in stone. As you and your relationship evolve, your boundaries might too. Be open to renegotiating and finding middle ground that works for both of you.

Lead by Example: Show your partner the power of boundaries by respecting theirs. This reciprocal dance of understanding and honoring each other's limits fosters a beautiful, supportive environment.

As you and your partner share your boundaries, you’re actually building intimacy and getting to know one another more authentically.  So here’s to boundaries building stronger connections!  And better dance partners.

Rachel Lund started Self Space out of the deep belief in the power of therapy to change people’s lives from the inside out. Her hope is to help people find more safety, care and love in their lives. Rachel is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Clinical Supervisor in Washington state, and focuses on treating clients through a neuropsychotherapy approach to therapy that connects mind+body.